love and grief
we accept one
at the risk of the other
and love is worth it
till it brings the pain
how one loves after loss
that takes might
Category Archives: Love
love and grief
In this newsletter I am going to share a personal essay about why I chose to break-up with someone who wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t hard. It just needed to be done so I could be open to and available for something new; something more.
It’s been over a year since we broke-up, and I don’t regret it at all. I’ve moved on; Surprise! I’m okay!
My good friend, and Relationship Style Editor for the BEB, Ms. Tanisha Everett, recently broke the code that is me and what I expect in a relationship. She said to me, “Feather, you love yourself a lot, and you are looking for someone who will understand that and love you as much or more.” I had never thought about it like that, but she is right. It has taken a long time to get to this place, and I will not settle for less than what I know will be good love. I’m already in a relationship with the love of my life: me. So, I want a partner that sees the value I’ve built within me, and I will do the same for him.
It was today, two days before Valentine’s Day that I was connecting two of my single friends for the big day; two ladies I add. My one friend said to me, “Damn! our society is all I have to say,” as she declared her apathy toward St. Valentine’s Day. I replied to her, “We love Valentine’s Day when we have someone; quite the opposite when we don’t. I am all aboard with the flip flopping of emotions associated with the holiday. I would, however, like to spend it with the same person two years in a row.”
And then I thought about it. I have spent the holiday with the same person two years in a row; in fact, no matter who else I invited to the party, it has been twenty-eight years in a row that I’ve spent Valentine’s Day with the love of my life – ME! It was Oscar Wilde who said “To love one’s self is the beginning of a life-long romance.” I’m not saying that adopting Mr. Wilde’s approach is going to make the annoying jewelry commercials easier to bare, but when it comes down to it, you should be as happy spending the love day (or any day) with yourself as you would with a lover; or gather up your other single friends and go to the latest romantic comedy release, enjoy a champagne dinner or an evening at the spa with each other.
Valentine’s Day isn’t going anywhere and the good thing is you know when it’s coming every single year. No surprises. Sitting around waiting to be depressed on Valentine’s Day is the same thing as not reminding people that it’s your birthday and then getting mad when no one says Happy Birthday.
You can choose to make the best of the day.
Below is a series of photos I took with my camera and iPhone of people kissing and embracing throughout Italy and England. I didn’t start taking shots of couples kissing and embracing until I got to Italy; however, I did witness an awesome kiss between two young men at Gare de Nord train station in Paris. I mean this kiss was so passionate, even straight men stopped to stare.
I’ve never witnessed public displays of affection like I did throughout Italy and was surprised to see it continue when I went on to London. I missed some really, really good shots for reasons ranging from I couldn’t get my camera ready and they were just too damn fast for me, I couldn’t get a clear shot, I didn’t have my camera or I just couldn’t get the shot and remain inconspicuous. There were at least a dozen other shots I could have taken.
I will continue this series wherever I am. I enjoy capturing these moments. Hold your cursor over the photo for location info and other details. Happy Valentine’s Day. xo
“If you do not give right attention to the one you love, it is a kind of killing. When you are in the car together, if you are lost in your thoughts, assuming you already know everything about her, she will slowly die.”
Ron & Hermione. You’ll end up with someone who’s been a very close friend…you know each other inside and out and are fully comfortable with each other…this romance is truly magical.
The Lake House. Being at the right place at the wrong time.
Facebook quizzes are often spot on!
”So, Lizzy, your sister is crossed in love I find. I congratulate her. Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then. It is something to think of, and gives her a sort of distinction among her companions.” -Mr. Bennet, Pride & Prejudice
I know too many men and women who want to be in relationships. Why are they all single? 50 years ago any one of these men would have met one of these women and it would have been game, set, match let’s spend our lives together or at least the next 30 years. What happened? Now, it’s a bunch of single people (including me) who can’t find commitment. I really want to start matching people up. I used to be so good at it.
I USED to be good at it back in my early 20s when everyone I knew was also in their early 20s.
What happened is I grew up and so did all the people around me and we all got issues and issues got in the way of making commitments. Being matched is the best. But if people have hangups, don’t know what they want, or a whole pool of other reasons to say no, then it’s pointless. What happened to making it together? I understand a man needs to protect and provide, cool. I want that too, but shit we can do it together. As long as we’re both on the same page. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT?